Everyone is hot and sweaty in a crowd; you’re all in the same boat, then suddenly you feel a cool liquid splash the back of your neck. It’s mildly pleasurable until the realisation hits that it is someone’s pint they have thrown. The ale has now run down your back and is sticky, not pleasurable anymore. I’m not even sure why you would do it; you’re wasting a perfectly good beverage that your hard earned money has bought, frankly ludicrous behaviour.
2. Manners don’t cost a penny, but could get you to the front.
I enjoy standing at the front of the stage as much as the next man, however there really is no need to just barge your way through as though if you don’t get to the front the band won’t come on. Just politely ask the person in front if you can get past, I’ve seen it happen in the past and it works just fine. But walking straight into someone doesn’t end fine and also make you look like a complete knob.
3. Know your place.
If you’re six-foot plus don’t stand right at the front. It’s not your fault you’re freakishly tall however for midgets the world over kindly stand aside. You could even be a gentleman and look behind you and if you see a small lady cowering in your shadow, politely ask them if they would like to go in front of you.
4. Know your hand signals.
The standard rock hand gesture if fine for heavy metal or actual rock concerts, by standard hand gesture I mean the index finger and baby finger pointed whilst all others remained closed. However it seems rather out of place at an indie concert, or a dance gig or any event which isn’t rock orientated for that matter. The usual hand in the air waving in time to the music or the always trusty fist pump should suit most occasions. You could even put your own twist on it and display the peace sign, or perhaps just the index finger. Why not be mad and produce the middle finger just for variety.
5. Don’t just stand there.
There’s nothing worse than everyone in a crowd going mad for it only for one kill-joy to be standing folded armed with a face on. If you’re not enjoying yourself you’re more than welcome to leave. So have a drink and enjoy yourself, you grumpy bastard.
6. Personal space.
This works two ways; firstly don’t start laying into someone who has accidently bumped into you whilst they were jumping to their favourite song and also don’t start busting a move in the middle of the floor, arms flailing smashing some poor girl in the gob. Although you may feel as though the band are playing to you alone, unless you’re at the world’s most intimate gig, they’re not so take a little time to minimise that moonwalk and consider others.
7. Attire
I’ve always found it a bit strange when people wear t-shirts with the band you’re about to see’s name on. I know which band I’m seeing, you know which band you’re seeing, and I don’t need your t-shirt to inform me. You also look a bit of a loser and that this is the only band you like and you should probably get out more. I can see why you’d do it if you have just purchased a bit of merch and you where it out of ease but otherwise no, don’t do it. Also don’t look like your idol, when I went to see Arctic Monkeys, I saw a boy who must have been about thirteen, slicked back, black hair, leather jacket and winkle picker shoes. I nearly ran over for an autograph of Alex Turner until he turned round and I saw that his face resembled not so much as the Arctic Monkeys lead singer but more the face one would expect to find on a garden gnome.
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